vent vent vent

These are the times when I'm so grateful for my blog and you readers whom most of you I do not know, because I can vent to you all without vocalizing my problems and sound like a whiney little brat.

There's a whole lot of ways that I could sum up my life at this moment. But I'm going to choose the easiest one. And it is this: I feel like complete shit.

Sorry not sorry. It's how I feel, and I've learned it's not healthy for me to hold in my feelings. Sometimes you just have to let it out and express your feelings raw, as they are (and in my case... via blog). So yes, everybody, I just feel like shit.

I feel like no one wants me around anymore. I feel like there's always somebody everyone wants more than me. I hate not being invited to things, I hate being left out, I hate trying so hard to be the best friend I can possibly be, but then being treated poorly during the times when I need true friends the most. I don't know where I've gone wrong. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and be done. Nothing is paying off anymore. Every day brings the same faces, the same names, the same feelings, the same disappointments, the same struggles, but different days on the calendar.

I hate being a pessimist. I hate it SO much and I feel like such a Debbie Downer right now. But I'm just being raw; honest. I hope none of you think I'm a negative little brat. I'm just trying to analyze, express and understand this crazy life I'm living.

Since I hate being negative, I'll try to end on a good note for y'all here. Bringing in my personal beliefs, I do know there's a God. Yes, even though I said a no-no word up there^^^^, I believe whole heartedly in a higher power. I wouldn't doubt it for my life. I know that He is guiding me, and no matter how lonely I am, He is always with me, along with my sweet boy Devin. They're cheering me on, they're on my side, and they see the eternal perspective. At the end of the day, that is what comforts me.

And with that, I bid you goodnight.

xx