kiss me like you wanna be loved

Monday, December 31, 2012

"and your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. i'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet."


heaven is a half pipe

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Happy New Year. Almost.
I can't believe it'll be the year 2013.
Whoa.
2013.
It feels so weird to say. I feel like once you FINALLY get used to writing the correct year on your papers, the year changes. Life goes by so fast.

Well.. On New Year's Day last year, I got the news that my good friend Brandon Vance hung himself on New Year's Eve.

I still remember moments with him really clearly, which at times, I am grateful for. But sometimes I wish I didn't remember so much...
Like the time we went to the Alpine cemetery with a bunch of kids and just sat in a circle and talked, cuddling up with blankets on a spring night. He's buried there now.
Or the times we walked home together, and he hugged me on the corner by his house.
That time I snuck up on him in his garage while he was skating and blasting A Day to Remember.
The time he told me over text that I was pretty, and I jumped on my bed so high that my head hit the ceiling.
Like the time when he wanted to kiss me, but I refused to.
Sometimes I think about that and wish I did.

It's a weird feeling; losing someone like this. Because you feel like you could've done something, and that alone is what tugs at me and keeps the questions coming. Not even the fact that he's gone, but the fact that maybe I could've prevented it if I didn't push him away when he started drinking, or if I didn't ignore his last Facebook status saying, "I'll never forgive myself." I should've reached out, rather than give up on him. But what happened... it happened.
It's done, and there is no turning back time, even though I wish I could.
There's lots of things I wish.
I wish I would've at least tried to help him... so that when/if he did still die, I would know that at least I tried.
I wish I could walk home from Timberline Middle School with him just one more time, and get one of his bear hugs at the corner, or watch him from the bushes across the street while he skated in his garage.
I wish I didn't push him away when I found out he was drinking and smoking. I wish I would've been a good influence, instead of just running away.
I hope he knew I cared. I hope he's happy, because he genuinely deserves it so much. I hope he's got it all figured out up there now- and I hope he's still a free spirit, just like he always was here.

I guess there was no point for me writing this, other than getting feelings and memories out. I just want to honor him now, if that makes any sense at all. I just don't want tomorrow to be hard for me, I want to be able to have a good night with my girls and NOT think about what happened a short 365 days ago.

"I wish I knew. It might make me miss him more clearly. It might have made sad sense."
-Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chibosky, pg. 4

I love you, Bridget.
I cannot wait until the day we are reunited, and you can finally teach me some sick tricks on a board.
Heaven is a half pipe!



"we accept the love we think we deserve"

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Hello, I'm Aly Juliet LaComb and I am an absolute hopeless romantic...
 
I look forward to the day when I love someone, and the day that someone loves me back. It seems like all "love" is right now is a chase. She wants him, he doesn't really care, or vise versa, and then one day it all just ends... And one of them is left wondering what went wrong, what they should've done differently.
High school "love" is tiptoeing around pins and needles; it's walking on eggshells. It's, "Should I text him first?" "Should I play hard to get?" "I want to make him want me." And if you ask me, that's not love at all. That's what I would call searching for something you know you can't just find. We're all guilty of it, we've all been teenagers before, we've all felt that incredible want to be wanted.
But shouldn't love be more than that? Shouldn't it be more than wanting a hand to hold, or a set of lips to kiss your forehead?
I don't think you can SEARCH for love. I think that love finds its way to you. And I believe that's the way it should be. You can't meet someone with the mindset of, "This person is the one. We are going to have a relationship. We are going to fall in love." Because let's face it, those are forced feelings. That is you telling yourself, YOU NEED TO HAVE "FEELINGS" FOR THIS PERSON. But I don't think it works that way in real life, outside of high school- at least I HOPE it doesn't work that way... But what do I know? I'm a 17 year old girl, and I know for a fact that I have never truly loved in the way I hope to someday.
 
****
 
I hope that when I fall in love, that it is spontaneous. I hope I don't tell myself that he's the one, I hope I just FEEL that he is the one. I want the moment we realize we're in love to be while we're just driving around all night listening to John Mayer or The Beatles, laughing, joking, talking. I want my love to be natural- not forced, not anticipated. I want a serindipudus type of love. And I will not settle for less.
Because, you know what? We accept the love we think we deserve. And I know that I deserve real love- not "walking on eggshells" love. I deserve true love, my own Romeo, as does everyone else. But no, no... I will not be one to settle.
 
xoxo,
Juliet
 

merry christmas, ya filthy animal

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!
What a great Christmas morning it has been! We had a great Christmas Eve at grandma and grandpa's last night. My grandpa and I danced to East Tennesse Christmas just like we did when I was little. We also opened our pajama's from our parents last night, and they were so fun. The kids woke us up around 7:30 this morning. As much as I didn't want to get out of bed, I knew that the magic of Christmas would come when I walked down the stairs to the room full of presents. I loved watching my little Anna unwrap each of her gifts. Her eyes lit up with every single tear of the paper. It made me realize how much fun Christmas will be for me when I have a family, and that Christmas really DOESN'T lose it's magic as you grow older; it only changes. I feel so incredibly blessed today, not only to get so many great presents, but to be able to spend this day with my family.
 
I just love the card games being played on both sides of me, the brand new Just Dance 4 being played on the Wii in the living room, the Celtic's game being played on the televisions. This atmosphere is wonderful, and I am so grateful today.

Merry Christmas to all!
And GO CELTICS!!
 
Christmas pj's


Christmas ain't Christmas without the NBA
 


hey missy

Saturday, December 22, 2012

My sissy's boyfriend, and father of her soon to be baby boy, is an unreal musician. I've been listening to this song nonstop since like July. Just thought I'd share it with you all. Check out his YouTube channel HERE, and check out my YouTube channel HERE :)

Here's Hey Missy by the one and only Jb. Ahfua! You will be amazed.


crafters 101

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I've become quite fascinated by crafting lately. A couple weeks ago, I finished a desk I was working on. My main purpose was to get it done, put it in my room and share it with you all on the blog. Buuuuut... Somehow, I forgot to post it. Until now of course. :)

So I bought this super ugly desk from the D.I. Unfortunately I can't find the "before" picture that I took of it, but it was seriously ugly. The wood was SO torn up, and the drawers were this super ugly forrest green color. Basically, it was kind of disgusting. I got it in the garage and with the help of my lovely mother, we sanded the whole entire desk (including the drawers) until it was a smooth, clean looking wood. Then I painted the body grey and the drawers white. We painted the sides of the desk with white and blue stripes... that was all thanks to my mother. A couple months back, we got some really cute vintage bird postcards, so when the paint was all dried, we mod podged them onto the front of the drawers.

Mod Podge is the BEST thing to ever happen to a crafter. You can do anything with it, it's the golden tool. You can buy it HERE for just 10 bucks. Best 10 whoppers a crafter could ever spend!!

After all the hard work, the desk turned out SO cool. I got a cool vase and some fake flowers to put on it, and I found a vintage lamp to put on it as well. I also found that mason jars look really cute (I like rustic decorations), and you can hold pens or jewelry in them.

So without further adieu, here's how the desk turned out! :)



I'm now working on a new project: a clothesline of photos. I'll post it as soon as I'm done.

But remember, fellow bloggers/crafters/soon-to-be crafters...
You can turn almost ANYTHING into a work of art with hard work, and of course, Mod Podge.

"i just want you to know, i wanna be your romeo"

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Hellooooo loves.
So I've been listening to some of the many songs I used to listen to when I was like 10... you know, when I thought I was the coolest kid around. And I'm loving the blast from the past I've been living. I did stumble upon this song that I used to listen to all the time. You could say it has become my not so secret obsession over the past couple of days. It's by LMNT... classic boy band name, right? But honest to goodness, this song is gold. It's called Hey Juliet.
SECRET ALERT (well, not so secret... cause I'm blogging about it): I like to listen to it and think that one day, there will be a boy who will feel this way about me. And it even works out, because I AM Alyssa Juliet LaComb. Call me cliche, call me a lovesick 17 year old, I will take all the ridicule you will give me because it's true:
I just can't wait to find my Romeo one day, and to live a perfectly imperfect fairytale with him.



vent vent vent

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

These are the times when I'm so grateful for my blog and you readers whom most of you I do not know, because I can vent to you all without vocalizing my problems and sound like a whiney little brat.

There's a whole lot of ways that I could sum up my life at this moment. But I'm going to choose the easiest one. And it is this: I feel like complete shit.
Sorry not sorry. It's how I feel, and I've learned it's not healthy for me to hold in my feelings. Sometimes you just have to let it out and express your feelings raw, as they are (and in my case... via blog). So yes, everybody, I just feel like shit.

I feel like no one wants me around anymore. I feel like there's always somebody everyone wants more than me. I hate not being invited to things, I hate being left out, I hate trying so hard to be the best friend I can possibly be, but then being treated poorly during the times when I need true friends the most. I don't know where I've gone wrong. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and be done. Nothing is paying off anymore. Every day brings the same faces, the same names, the same feelings, the same disappointments, the same struggles, but different days on the calendar.

I hate being a pessimist. I hate it SO much and I feel like such a Debbie Downer right now. But I'm just being raw; honest. I hope none of you think I'm a negative little brat. I'm just trying to analyze, express and understand this crazy life I'm living.

Since I hate being negative, I'll try to end on a good note for y'all here. Bringing in my personal beliefs, I do know there's a God. Yes, even though I said a no-no word up there^^^^, I believe whole heartedly in a higher power. I wouldn't doubt it for my life. I know that He is guiding me, and no matter how lonely I am, He is always with me, along with my sweet boy Devin. They're cheering me on, they're on my side, and they see the eternal perspective. At the end of the day, that is what comforts me.

And with that, I bid you goodnight.
xx

gloomy day, gloomy mood

Monday, December 17, 2012

It's been overcast and rainy today. Fitting, to say the least, for my mood.

Everything and everyone has changed so much. So much has happened that has shaped me as a person, and made me grow immensely. I don't know when life got so complicated, but it did. And I miss the simple life. I just miss the way things used to be. I miss girls nights every night, I miss getting that great GPA without any major problems or roalocks, I miss the friends I had that I lost over stupid things and people who tried to sway me. I miss when Devin was still around. I always knew, no matter what, that there would always be that one friend who would love me ALWAYS. But he's not here now, and it makes me feel like I don't have that one person anymore; the one who I knew loved me through everything. I miss him terribly. I miss him more and more everyday, with each and every memory.

I'm sick of being second best in everything to everyone. I'm sick of coming after boyfriends, sports, work, other friends, popularity. I'm sick of stupid high school people trying to stick their noses in everyone else's business. I just want life back to the way it was before. I don't even know what event I'm referring to when I say, "before". I don't know what I'm saying right now, why I'm posting this nonsense. I just look back, and everything is always better in hindsight. Maybe one day I'll look back on where I am in life right now, and maybe I'll wish I was back here again. So I guess I better buck the freak up.

All I know is that I miss my best friends, I miss my Dev, I miss the times when I was doing everything right, when I could do something without disappointing people. And I miss being invincible.

blegh

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I am home from school yet again. I'm feeling so yucky.
I went to Urgent Care last night because my lymph nodes were so swollen. I got some medication for my sore throat and swollen nodes, but my dizziness and headaches were unidentifiable. I got a blood test to see how my liver, kidneys, and white blood cells are doing. We get results this afternoon, so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully it's nothing serious and we can figure out what's going on.

So while I do absolutely nothing on bed rest, I will be watching RedBoxes and drinking apple juice, because that's the only thing I can swallow and keep down.



This is my first movie of the day. The Vow. Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum; both of whom are pretty much perfect... And the movie is pretty much perfect until Rachel McAdams FORGETS WHO HER HUSBAND IS!

UM... WHAT?

I love this movie so much but it's so frustrating to me! It's like, dude! Remember your husband already! If I woke up and Channing Tatum said he was my husband, I would NOT question it. Ever.

"Wild Grace" Photoshoot

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The photos are officially done!
YES! ALREADY!
Gentri is the greatest! Here are the results from the shoot today. Enjoy. :)




































9:20

Hi.
It is 9:20 a.m... But by the time I finish this post it will not be.

I'm supposed to be in school, but my body has been taking a real beating lately. Headaches, dizzy spells, haven't had a real appetite in a week or so. It's probably stress. I hate stress. So I came home to put a hot water bottle on my tummy and get some rest before my shoot today with the lovely miss Gentri Lee.

I'm pretty much obsessed with the band Graffiti6. I found their song Stare Into the Sun about 2 years ago and I've been IN LOVE with them ever since. I bought their 7 dollar album last year in the middle of my algebra class and I haven't regretted it. Easily the best 7 dollars I've spent.

This is one of my favorite songs from the 'Colours' album.
Music de-stresses me, so Ihope it does the same for y'all.


Enjoy this gem of a song.


Happy Tuesday everyone.

a visit with dev, a whole lot of giggles & plenty of candids

Monday, December 3, 2012

SHE LIVES!
UHH, HELLO STRANGERS. I am somewhat embarrassed at how little I have blogged lately.
Like seriously, I've been slacking. Consider this a public apology.

On the bright side, I have had a stellar couple of weeks, and I hope it has been similar with y'all. I'll have to have multiple posts just to recap the past little while, so just bear with me.

Last week was one of those weeks that went by slower than EVER. So the weekend was much needed when it finally came. Saturday afternoon I headed to the cemetery to visit my sweet boy's grave.  I sat with him for a good forty five minutes. I sang him some of his favorite country songs, or at least I attempted them... (Josh Turner's low notes are close to impossible to manage) His parents showed up at his grave and words cannot describe how happy I was to see them. They greeted me with their love and hugs. We talked about Devin and the many things he used to do and say. We laughed together, we cried together, we mourned together, and celebrated his life together. As my visit with my darling boy came to a close, I sang him the song I always sing to him very last, Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. (click here to listen and watch the official video) I love visiting him; I love knowing that even though he is gone, I can still sing country songs with him at that grave site. :)



Saturday night was a great night as well. Miss Moyra Pickup is darling, and she is such a great friend. We spent some much needed time together getting coffee, chatting, driving around, laughing. It's always a good time when the two of us get together. There are always so many laughs and jokes. She got so many candids of me laughing my face off. Some of them looked like I was going through some level 10 pain, but some actually turned out kinda cool after some editing and tweaking.








~~~

That's all I've got time for now. But....
I SOLEMNLY SWEAR I WILL NOT GO MORE THAN A WEEK WITHOUT BLOGGING EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN.

There. You have that promise in writing.
And Aly Juliet does NOT break a promise. 

xoxo, loves.


I'M ALIVE

Monday, November 26, 2012

YES, EVERYBODY, I AM ALIVE!!!

I'm so sorry I've been slacking so badly. I've been pretty busy, and I've also been writing a lot of music as of recent. I finished this gem today. It's called Thursday. The recording unfortunately doesn't do it much justice, but it's one of my favorites.

So sit back, relax, and please enjoy my very first original gone viral.


and the snowflakes kiss our noses like they would never leave us

Saturday, November 10, 2012

It's been very snowy the past few days. Half of me loathes snow: driving in it, walking in it, the lack of sunshine and brown in my skin. It can be a downer. But the other half of me adores it. The way it falls so slowly from the sky and forms a blanket over earth, the way it kisses my nose as if it loves me and would never leave me. This time of year always comes a lot sooner than anticipated, but I think I'm ready this year. And y'all best believe I've busted out some Christmas music.

i may or may not have fantasies about marrying justin bieber.

it's piling up fast, folks.

a tree and a leaf

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Today was an unordinary day. In a good way.
I went to brunch with my girl Addie today. We've been friends since the day she was born- literally. After I moved, we didn't see each other very much. We went from spending every day together, to getting together maybe once a month. It was so good to see her again. No matter how much time there is between our visits, we're always sisters when we get together. Nothing changes.
After brunch, I went to church and had two really great lessons. One on judgement, and one on drug abuse. I enjoyed church very much today.

After church, I drove into my old town. I went and saw my sweet grandparents, who will always be two of my very best friends. I want to be just like them when I grow old with somebody.

The best part of the day came next. I drove over to the Alpine Cemetery. I parked by Devin's grave, got out, and looked at it for a while, remembering him. How beautiful his headstone is. It captures him perfectly. Engraved in it are the words to the LDS hymn, "I Stand All Amazed at the Love Jesus Offers Me". There is a school photo of him on the left, and a photo of him dressed up as a cowboy on the left. He loved country music. I layed by his grave for about 45 minutes.

It has been almost exactly one year since Devin passed. November 19th, 2011. The time flew by. There has not been a day that has passed by that I haven't thought about him: the way he bounced on his toes in elementary school, the time I taught him how to shoot a basketball, the many laughs we shared at school lunch. I miss that little boy. I miss the way that he was innocent, that he went through more than I can even imagine, but valued this life so much more than I ever did. I miss pushing his wheelchair down the hallways in junior high or sitting in the booths with him during lunch. That boy had the most beautiful smile, and his laugh was absolutely contagious. To that innocent little boy, everything was funny. Life was pure ease, even though it wasn't, if that makes any sense at all...

As I layed with him today, I played his favorite country artists and watched the orange leaves fall off the tree by the gazebo. The process interested me.
A leaf would fight the wind, hanging onto the branch with all its might as if it didn't want to fall. But when the wind finally triumphed, the leaf fell slowly- peacefully. And when it hit the ground, it was okay. It did not crumble, it did not break: it did not disappear, nor did it change. The leaf was still a leaf, only it was no longer on the branch, it was on the ground. And it was safe on the ground. It no longer fought the harsh winds, struggling to hang on. The winds were now somewhat peaceful, the winds took the leaf different places- showed it different things. There was no more fighting to hang on. The leaf was okay wherever it went.

The process made me think of Devin.

Not only was he blind for 90% of his life, Devin fought cancer for so long. He fought so hard. He was in and out of treatment, he was in a wheelchair. But the time came when we knew- HE knew- that he was not going to make it. I can't imagine the fears he could have had, knowing that his life could end at any given time. He hung onto the branch, he didn't want to fall. But like the wind, the cancer triumphed, and Devin fell. For a while, that's where I thought the story ended. But today, as I watched a leaf land on the ground peacefully, no longer fighting to cling to the branch, I realized: Devin is no longer fighting. He is FINALLY FREE.

NOVEMBER 4
I'm grateful for that tree in the Alpine Cemetery. That its simplicity could teach me such an important lesson that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I am grateful for the amazing friendship I was blessed to have with Devin while he was physically on this earth. I could not have asked for a better example to guide me through the rest of my life. Also, I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that Devin is at ease in his PERFECT form; that we WILL be together again.

sweet dreams, loves.
enjoy your extra hour of sleep-
THANK YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS. :)



"...i stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me..."

the new do

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Yes, I DID dye my melt out. I was sick of seeing it on 80% of the female population, and then seeing it on me. Also, it's fall now and warm colors are the colors for the season. So yes, I decided to make it all brown again. And I sure did miss being a full brunette.


p.s. hi matthew :)

the month each month should be

It's officially NOVEMBER!!
Also known as the month of thankfulness. Realistically, every month of every year should be the month of thankfulness; we always have something to be grateful for, whether we celebrate it with a feast or not. But I've decided that every day this month, I will blog about something I am thankful for.
Sadly, I've missed the first 2 days of the month, but I will make up for them here.

NOVEMBER 1
On Thursday, I was so grateful for after school naps. It was a long day, and I was so happy when I layed in a big bed with my little kitty and slept.

NOVEMBER 2
Yesterday, I was grateful for gutsy boys. My best friend and I went to In-N-Out last night and as we were leaving, a boy came up to me and said, "I think you're really cute, you should call me sometime." And gave me his number on his receipt. It was funny and me and Alisha laughed uncontrollably the second we drove away. But it really gave me a little confidence boost that I needed.

Today isn't even halfway over yet, and I have some fun plans tonight. So I plan on posting later: expect some thankfulness to pour off of the screen later tonight.

Have a wonderful day, ladies and gents.
xxxx

people suck

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Some people suck. 
CORRECTION.
Most people suck.
So here is a photo of a cat to lighten spirits.



Moral of this blog, people suck, but it's okay... because....
CATS.

spiritual sunday

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Hi, loves.
It's been a wonderful Sunday for me, and hopefully for y'all as well. I attended a mission farewell for my good friend Felipe today. I can't believe I have close friends going on missions now. I'm so proud of Fe's decision to serve the Lord. I went to church after saying goodbye to Felipe, and it was one of those bland church days. I didn't have any eye opening, spiritual experiences at my ward today. But after I came home from lunch and took a nap, I went through some of my old writings. I found the letter I wrote a couple days ago, addressed to my friend Brandon who took his life in January. I remembered the experience I had last week and couldn't believe I hadn't blogged about it yet! I blog about everything... WHY didn't I blog about such an amazing experience? Well, better late than never, right?

Vance,
I sure have missed you this year. I've blamed myself for so much of what happened to you. It's been hard for me, for everyone, to let go of you. I talked to Jake Nilson a couple weekends back. We talked about you. He told me he wrote  to you while you were in rehab. It made me wish that I did. He also told me that the young men in your ward were having a testimony meeting around a campfire this summer. Someone stood up and said that he knew that you were with them that night. They sang God Be With You Til We Meet Again. Jake knew you were there with them, and I have no doubt in my mind that you were. Tonight, I was home alone and I played that song on the piano. I played quietly, sang softly: loud enough for me to hear myself, but soft enough for me to hear the spirit speak to me. A feeling came over me that I can't describe. I felt not physical, but emotional embrace. I knew you were there with me. There was no doubt in my mind. I cried. The piano playing became sloppy because my fingers started to slip as a result of my tears on the keys. I felt as close to you as I was in 8th grade- as close to you as I wish I would've stayed throughout freshman year. I really don't know if this gave me closure, or made me miss you and wish even more that I would've helped you. I do love ya, Vancey Pants, and I'm so sorry that I pushed you out of my life. I thought I was protecting myself from the unsafe things you were doing to your body that I didn't agree with. Little did I know, it would result in guilt on my end when your life ended so early. I'll never forget the text you sent me that said you thought I was pretty. Then I jumped on my bed and got so high that I hit my head on the ceiling and it sent me falling down to eventually hit the ground... really hard. But I didn't care. Because you thought I was pretty. And that was enough. I miss you, kid. But I know you're happy and you're doing some amazing work up there.
I'd do anything to hug you again.


In the spirit of Sunday, and because of the lack of the spirit I felt in church, I thought this post would be appropriate today. This experience I wrote about in my figurative letter to Brandon was really amazing. It has given me more closure than anything has. Feeling him with me gave me a feeling of warmth, of love. And I realize now that the people we lose are now feeling that in warmth and love in heaven with Heavenly Father. They are with their Father in Heaven. That must be the best, most warm, loving feeling in the world. And that's what Brandon deserves.

I'm so blessed to have the opportunities that I do to feel the spirit and to feel so much love and care from my father in heaven. It truly is a blessing to have God in my life and to see a different perspective than just the worldly one. I'm so grateful for my knowledge of what is true and of what is to come after this life. If I didn't know this, I don't know where I would be.

to listen to a beautiful version of this song i talked about in my letter, click here.

Have a wonderful Sunday evening, and remember: God loves you.
He knows you.
He cries with you.
He smiles with you.
He is rooting for you.
HE IS ON YOUR SIDE.
And He knows what is best for you. In the end, everything will fall into place.
Bad days do come to an end, trials will turn into blessings, faith always triumphs, and heavenly promises are always kept.

Good evening, beauties. 


it's cudder season.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Today, it snowed. Meaning it's almost winter. And for me, winter means loads and loads of Kid Cudi. Here's a classic Cudder number for you to enjoy on this almost winter day.


may angels lead you in

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Before I lie down and dream for the night, here's a quick video of me and Mr. Cole Murdock covering Jimmy Eat World's Hear You Me.

Have a good sleep, lovelies. 


be jealous

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Stephanie Nielson saw my blog post. I am seriously giddy.
Have a fabulous day, darlings.


perspective change: thank you, christian and stephanie Nelson

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

5 in the morning and I wanted to take a pistol to my alarm clock. The last thing I wanted to do this morning was dance, or even wake up for that matter. However, I DID push through and make it through 2 hours of dance, which was much better than the usual 3-4 hours of rehearsal we have. First period was a drag, and that's saying something. I usually love English, but I just couldn't keep focused or awake for the full hour and a half. To sum it up, school was rough today.
This evening, I drove up the canyon with my beautiful mother and had some much needed time with her. I told her all about the book I've been reading. I haven't been able to put it down this week. It's the most inspiring book written by the most amazing woman, wife, and mother on this planet, Stephanie Nielson.

If you haven't heard of this beautiful little lady, she lives here in Provo. She had started a blog and posted cute ideas for crafts and darling photos of her gorgeous self. She had darling children, a handsome husband: basically the ideal life.

She got in a plane crash in August of 2008. Her whole body suffered very severe burns and she could very well have not made it through. However, she did. She made it through so much, and her book is about exactly that. It starts off with her small town life and her love story with her Prince Charming. She takes the reader through the joys of her life prior to the crash, as well as the sorrow she felt afterwards. I couldn't help but shed a couple tears as I read her words of despair. It must have been such a dark place. But I shed even more tears of joy at the end of the book. Even though I don't have the pleasure of knowing Stephanie, I felt like I had gone through her journey with her. I felt proud of her with every step of progress she wrote about.

You have probably all noticed that my posts have become much more uplifting and positive within the past couple of weeks. I can honestly say that the main contributor to that would probably be this book. I have gone through some difficult things, some that people know about and some that people don't. For so long, I harbored so much bitterness toward... Well, sort of toward everything and everyone, even myself. This book took me through struggles I could never even imagine, and showed me how to conquer the minor imperfections of this beautiful life.

This book made me believe.

My testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has been strengthened more than I can even say. Along with the bitterness I harbored for so long came confusion. Everything, especially religion. Nothing about it made sense to me. It didn't seem necessary for my life, and I thought I could surely get through life without believing in some higher power. How wrong I was. Stephanie has so much faith in her Lord, Jesus Christ and it radiated from every page of her book. It made me want what she had, the warmth of Christ. I opened my heart to religion again and found what I've needed for all these months.

This book made me believe in love. It seems so impossible these days. It seems like all that exists anymore is lust. But with every word Stephanie writes about Mr. Nielson, you can almost feel how much love she has for him. With everything Mr. Nielson does, it seems that he has Stephanie's well being in mind. Their love is absolutely, positively, purely unconditional. They made me believe that maybe one day someone will love me like that, and we can have a beautiful, imperfectly perfect life together.

This book made me believe everything I've ever said to girls who look up to me. "Beauty isn't physical. Your soul is what makes you beautiful, not your body, your hair, your clothes. YOU make you beautiful." I've always enjoyed hanging out with younger girls. Girls don't get enough credit these days. There is so much pressure along with being a girl now, and I want to try my best to be a good example to them and shape good girls for our future. They always come to me feeling self conscious, and my reply has always been the same. "Beauty is what's inside."
How hypocritical of me.
For years and years, I've been self conscious about pretty much everything about my appearance. Nothing has ever been perfect, something has always been needing whitening, tanning, growing, shrinking. But this book truly made me see beauty for what it is: for what I tell the younger girls I hang out with, and not for what I couldn't help myself but to think.

"It's a beautiful heart, not a perfect body, that leads to a beautiful life."
-Heaven Is Here by Stephanie Nielson, Pg 304

Stephanie was so beautiful, practically flawless. Dark hair, green eyes, freckles, red lipstick. She doesn't look the same now, but she is exactly the same person she was before. Her soul is the most beautiful of anyone I've known of. Her faith, her testimony, her selflessness, her amazing ability to be a mother, her ability to make such an impact on a 17 year old girl's life, THAT is what makes her beautiful. And that's exactly what I want to be, because I know now that beauty cannot be bottled: beauty needs no fixing. Beauty is imperfection.

What an impact these 310 pages have made on my life. I would highly recommend this book to anyone- LDS, Catholic, Protestant, Buddhist, Atheist. It's not just a testimony strengthening book, it gives you a sense of direction and purpose in life. It inspires you to get through another day. It reminds you that life isn't supposed to be easy, but it will all be worth it eventually. Time heals all wounds- emotional and physical.

With that being said, it's time for me to go to sleep.
I'll probably dream of meeting Stephanie Nielson, the most amazing woman I've NEVER known. :)

Goodnight, beauties.