Run for Your Life

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Oh how I love weekends. Today was absolutely fabulous. VERY long. But fabulous. I hit up Seven Peaks in the afternoon, just the usual everyday tanning session. Gotta get my brown skin, baby. It was a good time. Then tonight.

Oh, tonight.

I was at a friend's house watching a movie and my mind was going all over the place. We all know when Aly's mind runs, it runs to sad places and makes Aly get really upset. That's exactly what went down during that movie. Some friends called me and asked if they could pick me up. As much as I love my buddies watching the movie, I needed my mind occupied. So long story short... I ended up at Cole Gordon's house with Brady Barrett. Good place to be when you need your mind occupied. Well we went over to Westridge with Kim, Taylor, Kady and Arrie. After chillin' for a bit, Cole and I decided to go check out the "Westridge ghost". I thought I'd be all tough girl and fine, but I ended up super duper scared.

May or may not have been shaking...
Cole summoned the ghost.. (or whatever you wanna call it?)"Hey, we noticed that the light's off... can you please turn it on?"

Light went on.

Obviously, I was trippin'. I'm surprised Cole wasn't more scared of ME rather than the ghost. Well I grabbed Cole and I went a-haulin'. I peaced outta there so fast. But by the time I was done running away, I was laughing and smiling. Geniunely laughing and smiling. And that felt really, REALLY good.

Growing up, I was such a cry baby. I was scared of everything and never did anything out of my comfort zone. That's changed a lot with time, but tonight I was proud of myself. Ghosts freak me out. I watch ghost shows all the time, cause I love them. But they give me the heebee geebeez. And I saw one tonight. :) Whether it was a ghost or some set up prank- I went and swallowed my stupid fear. And guess what y'all...
I loved every single second of it.
And I'm gonna start doing more things like that. Not ghost voodoo crap. But I'm gonna start doing things I haven't done. Things I might be a little sketched out about. Things I've always wanted to do but never had the guts to. Cause as long as I have a friend like Cole, I won't be in danger...

Hey, the friend by my side would be in more danger than me.

Real Love Should Hurt.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Finally summer. Finally. We finally moved. Finally. The past couple of weeks have been surprisingly rough. Being in Provo is fabulous and I'm loving it here. But there's been some stuff going on that I just can't handle.

I'll start with this, as random as it may be...

Don't you love seeing cute little old couples walking together? Holding hands, looking at each other in a way that is so... beautiful. It's just 110% pure love. And it gives me hope to see that love does exist even through times when it seems like it doesn't live for long. For instance, my grandparents are adorable. I look at their love, and I wonder how on earth you can love someone so much, and SO unconditionally. And I also realize I'm a sophomore in high school, I'm not gonna know that sort of love for a LONG while.

With that said, it's never really hit me that one day I'll love someone like that. When I think into the future, I think into what I'll eat for dinner.. not who I'm gonna fall in mad crazy love with. But guess what. I do think I've found something I love. Not to that extent, cause that's a different case. But I do love this thing. Lots. And I recently lost it. I don't even know how it happened, but it did. A simple mistake. A simple misunderstanding. A simple wrong judgement.

A simple heartbreak, actually.

Some things have a reason for happening, and I'm usually alright with accepting that. But this one is a little bit rocky for me. The past couple weeks I've felt (bear with me here while I sound like a teenage girl from a soap opera who can't find her purpose in life, that cliche blah bitty blah bitty blah...) empty. I've felt empty. It's hard to explain. I don't feel empty, like hungry. More like,

I feel empty, sorta like...
not worth as much as I felt I was before.
not nearly as happy as I was before.
not as awake as I was before.. I've been really slouchy.
not as cheerful as I was before.
not as family oriented as I was before.

I've kinda just lost motivation.

I'm thinking it's a stage. Losing someone, or something, you love is supposed to be rough. If it wasn't then it wouldn't be considered love at all. And at 15 years old, you can't expect to love something/someone and never lose it. It's high school. But in this case, I lost this too early. Way too early.
That's what kills me the most.

And I wish some certain people could see everything I see here, rather than not letting go of mistakes made in the past. But I'm strong. I can do this. And what's supposed to happen will happen.

Eventually I'll be fine.
Eventually I'll be able to listen to more than 3 words of a love song without turning it off.
Eventually I'll stop feeling anxious in bed late at night.
Eventually I'll have somewhat of an appetite again.

It's just not so easy to get to that point.