thoughts of a future mother

Monday, September 16, 2013

hi pretties.
today has been great. busy, but great. anna turned 8 today which has been a weird realization. i remember the day she was born. i left school early and went to carl's jr. just to get the call that momma was in labor. carl's jr. will never be the same again.
she had a big party (pics coming soon) and had a bunch of girls over. i thought about the cute little girls who were screaming over boy bands and watching a disney princess movie. i thought of what advice i would give them in growing up. would it be to be happy, to live with no regrets, would it be a cheesy quote like "live life to the fullest!"? the thought was dismissed when it was time for cake and ice cream, but as i scrolled through my bloglovin' feed, i saw this photo and it brought me back that thought. 

this is ALL of what i want my daughters AND sons to know, summed up into one single quote. beauty is within. i have a hard time accept myself at times. sometimes i do wish i was skinnier, sometimes i do wish my hair was longer, sometimes i do wish i was ridiculously talented. but at the end of the day, i really truly can accept myself for who i am, because i know that beauty is within... because that's the way God see's it. i sure hope my little kiddos will grow up with a strong knowledge of this. i already love them so much and think they are so perfect and so beautiful... 

it's hard to imagine what i'll think when i've actually met them.

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a vegan's paradise

Saturday, September 7, 2013

so, i'm sure most of you are not vegans. but who knows, maybe some of you vegans out there will see this and find the BEST vegan product out there.

i've become obsessed with So Delicious non-dairy, vegan friendly products. they've got ice cream, ice cream sandwiches, yogurt. and it's all made with coconut milk. seriously, i think these are even better than regular yogurts and ice creams. and they're vegan friendly! yay!

visit the So Delicious website HERE, and i promise you will not be disappointed!

fragile territory

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

tonight i'm going to address a subject i wouldn't normally publicly address.
as some of you may know, since the day i was born, my body hasn't worked correctly. a natural, everyday function that your body does without even hesitating, mine just cannot do. that's just how i've always been, and it's how i'll always be.

i came to really accept this reality about a year ago. i came to accept the fact that this is my body, this is what it always has been and always will be. however, this does not define me. or at least, i shouldn't let it do so. i am not a disease. i am not a disability. i accepted that, i really, truly did.

but accepting these things doesn't make people's critical, ignorant words any easier to swallow... i felt some of these words sting my always-healing wound today. at the time, i blew it off like it was nothing; but the moment i was alone in my car, i thought about it. such a fragile subject treated with such aggressiveness: it was no longer easy to hear those words echoing throughout my mind.

interesting how people are so quick to shoot their words just as easy as firing guns in a war, when they don't even know the fight. i know that people don't mean these things to be hurtful, and i should never take offense when offense isn't intended. but isn't it only human nature to want to feel normal; to feel just like everybody else?

this got me thinking.

isn't it fascinating... humanity? i sound like a 70 year old, retired professor analyzing everything. but it truly amazes me. every single human being on this earth, knows how it feels to hurt. whether it's physically, emotionally, or both. everyone has felt pain and discomfort in some way. and for some reason, we are so quick to talk about people and their situations, as if their lives are easy. and no one's is, i can assure you that. hard times come, and they go. but no matter what things may look like, life isn't easy for anybody. it is so easy these days to look at the amount of someone's instagram likes or their blog posts and say that they are living on a cloud, that nothing can tear them down. but that assumption is nothing but the root of ignorance surfacing.

as i was driving home, shaking and sobbing like a little baby, i felt like a zero. like i didn't exist. i thought about how awful the feeling was, and how i hope i never make anyone feel like that. EVER.

as hard as it was to hear what were, to me, harsh words, i did learn from them. it is 100% truth that anyone can mask what they are feeling, what is going on in their lives, what their struggles are, without anyone even thinking about it.

the girl in my sixth period who wears black lipstick and has scars on her wrists: maybe she isn't just angry at the world for no reason, maybe she needs some love and affection. that "fat" kid: maybe he's got problems at home and finds an escape in food. maybe the girl with 2,000 instagram followers has a low self esteem, and relies on other's opinions for her to feel satisfied with herself. i could go on and on; we HAVE to start thinking of the effect of our words on others before we say them. there are so many things that people struggle with and i hope that i will never jump to the conclusion that looks to be what is true on the surface.

so there it is... probably the millionth lesson i've learned the hard way. but nobody's perfect. we all live, we all learn, we're all better people today than we were yesterday...

isn't humanity BEAUTIFUL?