The Things I Miss Most

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Today I was thinking, which is no surprise- I think way more than I should. It's been almost exactly 5 months since I moved out of Alpine. Holy. Freaking. Crap.

I grew up in Alpine, in the same house, with the same neighbors, same elementary school, same middle school. Alpine is a small town. Burgess Park was always the meet up spot. Especially in 6th-7th grade, Burgess was the hang out place. I remember in 6th grade Maddie, Tara and I were getting dolled up to go watch the boys' baseball game at Burgess. Maddie was trying to curl her hair with a brush and it got caught in her bangs, so she kept the brush in her hair and rode her scooter to Burgess with a brush hitting her forehead with every little bump on the road.

The Peppermint Place was always an adventure. I'll never forget going down to the candy store to watch the workers pull taffy and make lollipops with big, metal machines. It always smelled so good in there. Walking in was like a dream. Suckers, chocolates, mints, huge chunks of salt water taffies. It was a kid's paradise and I never missed an opportunity to go watch the workers in the big finger print covered windows.

Summer in Alpine seemed boring. Small town, nothing to do. But looking back on all those summers, the most fun I had was when I was doing the normal routine. Meeting Autumn and Brianna at the trampoline in the Commons Area and playing the bouncing game, and one of us ALWAYS ended up wetting our pants from being flung into the air too fast. Walking to Snoasis and getting snow cones, then taking them to Burgess and swinging on the old, creeky swings. I remember when I got my brand new bike, just last summer. Every summer day I would ride down to my best friend Addie's house and we would make stupid dancing videos, play the piano, eat a lot, lay out and get tan (or freckled :) ). We got into a crazy addiction with The Tyra Banks Show and America's Next Top Model last summer. We watched every single Tyra Show (the ones that we were interested in, at least) and we watched every cycle of America's Next Top Model. One night we had a camera and took videos of us dancing around in front of my television. Little did I know, I'd never forget that stupid video of two crazy girls on a "boring" Saturday night. The sweetest moments and the things I miss most about Alpine were the simple things. Just little things that I never really noticed until I left. Riding to Addie's house, passing my "boyfriend" Gavin's house and feeling all giggly when I saw his siblings playing in his driveway. There are a few nights I'll never forget.

The night me and Addie went to a party. That party was full of drama and gossiping girls, which wasn't our thing. So we left. Could we drive? Nope. We WALKED. Walked to another party. There were always parties in Alpine, but none of them were all that special. Just boys taking girls phones, girls being flirty back to the boys, me and Addie playing pool and joking about our childhood memories. We were popular, but we weren't really like most of the populars. The second party we went to that night ended up being worse. So we left that one, too. We ended up at my house, watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, stuffing our shirts to look like pregnant women (I named my child L'Michael in case you were wondering), laughing til we fell down, and eating ice cream.
So simple. So perfect.

Just like when our mommies were prego with us :)

The girls night at Kaitlyn Conlee's house. EVERY SINGLE cheerleader was there, and then there was me. We watched movies, did nails, joked around, and then someone had an idea to go doorbell ditch Jerusha's house down the street. She was kinda scary and the girls thought it'd be fun to run away from her yelling parents. So a couple of girls went down the street, and a couple of girls (including Addie and me) stayed at Kaitlyn's house. 5 minutes later the girls all ran into the house like a group of angry, swarming wasps. It was a winter night, so the snow was at least 1 foot high. They were all breathing really hard, but laughing through their lack of breath. They explained that Jerusha's dad yelled some cuss words at them and they booked it down the road. They decided to do it AGAIN. More girls joined this time, but me and Addie again stayed behind, and the result was the same. Girls running into the house laughing and gasping for air. Gabi Isrealsen even lost her boot in the midst of the snow. Except that time, Jerusha's dad not only yelled but chased the girls. Then every single girl decided they wanted to go doorbell ditch, but me and Addie weren't feelin' it so we stayed behind. It was almost more fun with only Addie and me, we were so close that being just the two of us was most comfortable. Before the group of girls returned from Jerusha's, we heard a knock on the door. It was a man. With a gun. Angry man with a gun, actually. We locked every door and ran up to Kaitlyn's room. The girls snuck in through a window and the man remained at the door. Long story short, Addie and I ended up going to my house, watching American Idol reruns, taking funny videos, and eating ice cream.

The day that Jake Irving, Addie and I all hung out. Jake was always that kid you could say anything to. You could talk to him about anything and he was always there when you needed him. I think I secretly loved him all of freshman year. He's adorable. We walked to Snoasis and bought snow cones, and then went to Addie's. We watched The Office for an hour or two and then decided to melt some chocolate, dip Oreo's in it, and freeze them. One of our more unique ideas, you could say. Then we were eventually entertained by making words and funny messages to each other with the magnetic letters on Addie's freezer.

Overall, I think the best memories were with Addison Louise Lamb. Even just walking around Burgess taking random pictures was an adventure with that girl.

So despite my difficult times there, I do miss Alpine. And I'll always have a weakness for Alpine. I'll ALWAYS love Alpine.

Addie. Addie Lou. Addison. My soul sister. I miss her more than I can even say. But that's the joy of missing something right? Seeing her is even sweeter than it was on those summer days at Burgess.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and the simple things in life really are the sweetest.

Once Upon A Time

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She ran around in her panties with a bowl of Cheetos and life was beautiful, all the time, it was purely beautiful. She didn't know the meaning of worry; she had no reason to. She didn't know the meaning of despair; she had never endured it. She didn't know the meaning of regret; she had none. Life was flawless; easy; nothing she couldn't handle.

Once upon a time this little girl and her cousins found a log in the middle of some trees by a stream behind Grandma's house. They built a fort where no one but them could stay. They took chips and pickles and Twinkies galore to their hideout they titled, Secret Meadows. The four of them shared secrets in the Secret Meadows, they played games, they laughed. The little girl climbed trees and one day she fell and scraped her knee. It bled, she cried. But her cousins always helped her up and they began feeding the ducks in the stream again. 

Once upon a time this little girl was coloring with her best friend Autumn. They were singing, laughing, playing. They were always singing. She wanted to sing for millions upon millions of people on a giant stage, hearing them chant her name. But then the little girls both wanted that pink crayon. They stopped singing, laughing, and playing and started to yell at each other. They bickered, cried, hit, scratched, pinched, until Autumn's mommy broke it up. Five minutes later they were back to singing, laughing, playing. Like it had never happened.

Then one day, this little girl kicked her mommy. She yelled at her daddy. She cried when she didn't get what she wanted. But somehow they still loved her. Even after you mess up, everything goes back to normal and it's like it never happened. You go back to routine and forget anything happened; she thought.

Once upon a time this little girl wasn't a little girl anymore. She grew up. She turned 14. She got her first kiss in her Prince Charming's backyard, surrounded by trees. It was so romantic; a storybook scenario, despite the slimy mud beneath her feet. She didn't care about the mud; she only cared that their lips touched for a millisecond. It was a millisecond, but it was a millisecond she wanted so bad. But then she learned that even in storybooks, the endings aren't always a beautiful sunset followed by a faded black screen and pretty cursive letters tracing the words "And they all lived happily ever after". Sometimes, the letters just traced "The End". Sometimes, the letters never even appeared. The sunset was often followed by mere silence. Suddenly, life was no longer all flawless all the time.

Once upon a time this girl had friends. Friends never leave you, they're always there for you and don't leave you when you need them most- she thought. Well those friends, they turned her back on her. She had never known loneliness, nor the sting of people's cruel words. But she always had that fair skinned, light haired, freckled best friend when she needed her. Addie Lou. Addie Lou was always a friend. Addie Lou got her through the hard times. She always did.

Once upon a time this girl moved away from her childhood town. She moved away from Addie Lou's house. Away from her Prince Charming's tree filled backyard. Away from Secret Meadows. Away from Grandma and Grandpa's house. It was a new experience; something she'd never gone through. But she loved it. The thrill of being the new girl; the thrill of having new roads and places to explore.

Then this girl messed up. She didn't just kick her mom or yell at her dad. She didn't just forget to hang up her clothes. She didn't just flunk a test. She really really messed up. She cried. She tried to forget. She didn't. She tried to sleep. She didn't. She tried to smile. She did, but only she knew how fake it was.

Suddenly she wanted to be that little girl in her panties, eating Cheetos, watching Barney, talking in that little raspy voice. She didn't care about growing up. She didn't want to. She didn't care whether she got a millisecond of a kiss or got to feed the ducks at Secret Meadows. She didn't even care whether she got to stand on a stage and sing for millions of screaming people. All she wanted was to be that little girl again.

Oh what she'd do to be that little girl again. To not know the feelings of worry; despair; regret. To not carry around weights of mistakes she makes every single day, some much much bigger than others. To not care to know what the meaning of life was, cause it didn't seem to matter.

Once upon a time that girl spent her Sunday night blogging. Praying. Blogging. Praying. Just trying to find closure. And maybe one day, just MAYBE, she'll be able to say that

once upon a time, she found that closure.

But for now, this particular story fades in silence.