special sunday funday

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Today was a pretty good Sunday.
I always hated Sunday's growing up. It was just church and naps all day and I didn't like it one bit. But I'm really starting to enjoy church now. I've realized how much I need God to get me through this life. I have always tried to deal with things on my own without anyone's help, I always thought I could do everything on my own, but I know now more than ever that I will NOT make it out alone. I must have God in my life to be happy and to accept life for what it is, even when it's everything but easy.

In church today, we had the annual primary program. All of the kids under 12 years old go up on the stand. They sing songs, read scriptures, stand at the microphone and give 30 second talks or bear their innocent little testimonies that their mom's helped them write. It was always just a cute, funny little thing to me growing up. Especially when I was the age that I was in the primary program, it was just not a big deal to me. We sang some songs for the congregation, they laughed when something funny happened, and then we all went home and took naps. That's really all it was to me at the time. But this primary program really hit me today. Watching these kids sing about their father in heaven, seeing the absolute light and innocence in their eyes, they made me want to be better. They're so young, their lives have hardly started. They have no idea the trials and afflictions they will face in the next decades. But regardless, they have absolute faith in Jesus Christ and their Heavenly Father. They love the Son of God and God himself, whether they're 11 or 5 years old. It really made me realize it's not about being like the 50 year olds who read the entire Book of Mormon within a month, even though that's so amazing and definitely an accomplishment to be proud of. But it's okay to be more like the kids in primary who can't even read a chapter book. Their faith is so prominent, and they probably don't even know the meaning of the word.

I love God. So so much. I love that no matter what, I'm not alone. After both Brandon and Devin died, I felt more alone than I ever have in my life. I felt inadequate, like I could have prevented something but I wasn't good enough to do so. I didn't feel like anyone saw how much I was hurting. But now, looking back in hindsight, I am fascinated to know that I was never alone. I was never completely inadequate. Someone DID know how much I was hurting, and He layed with me every night as I cried. I know for a fact that I have never been and never will be inadequate in the eyes of my Savior. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have that He loves me. It really makes it so much easier for me to love others when I know that God loves everybody, regardless of mistakes and imperfections.

Well, with that said, goodnight everyone. XOXO

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