my little angel ♡

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

As I drove to school yesterday, I turned on the radio in hopes that it would be ANYTHING but Pitbull. The radio DJ announced a new song by Taylor Swift called Ronan. It sounded interesting, so I listened to it. One verse into the song, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Yesterday was September 10th.

Not a very significant day for most of you, I'm sure. But it was for me.

One year ago from yesterday was Devin's last birthday here on this earth. I can't believe it's been almost a year already. I miss him so much, it's indescribable. I can't believe he would have been 16 already. He never seemed that old to me. To me, he was always the sweet, innocent little boy he was in elementary school. Never any older.

For everyone who hasn't read my earlier posts about Dev, he was one of the greatest friends I ever had. He developed a brain tumor at 2 years old and had surgery which caused him to be blind his whole life. My seventh grade year, he was diagnosed with cancer again- this time, in his bones. He fought so hard. Watching him every day taught me more than he ever knew. I loved the way he knew who I was by the sound of my voice. I loved walking him to lunch. I loved teaching him how to play the recess games in grade school. I loved putting my hands on his, showing him the movements of shooting a basketball. I loved his laugh; everything was funny. He lit up my life every day that I had the blessing to be with him.

On November 19th, 2011, Devin's life ended. I was heartbroken. It absolutely tore me to pieces. For weeks, I couldn't get through a few hours without a breakdown. We had anticipated his death for years, he had been sick for so long. But somehow, it still took me months to come to terms with the fact that Devin was really gone. Even now as I type this, tears keep falling on the keyboard. But I realized that even though that sweet boy deserved none of the trials God gave him, he fought through. God gave him tribulation because He knew that if anyone could push through, it was Devin. I'm so grateful I can look back and rejoice this darling boy's life. It was a short, fragile life, but it was beautiful. It was innocent.

So yesterday, in honor of Dev, I had cake. We sang happy birthday to him and blew kisses up towards the sky. I would have loved to see him turn 16, but I know how much happier he is now. It would be awful of me to wish him back here in the form that he was. I know he's so happy now.

Heaven must be a beautiful place; wherever it is, whoever is there. It's got to be just wonderful. And Devin must be the happiest little boy.

I love you more than words can even say. I would give anything to see you again, to put a plastic school fork to your lips and feed you, to place my hands on yours and shoot a basket. I miss your fuzzy red sweater. I miss sitting on the parade route at Alpine Days and gathering candy for you. I miss everything about you. I miss you so much. There's never a day that goes by that you don't cross my mind. But I am so grateful that you are at ease. I thank God every day that He placed you in my life. Thank you for the countless lessons you taught me. I will never forget you.

I love you forever, my little angel.

Here is the song I heard on the radio yesterday morning. Beware: it's a tear jerker.

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