4.9.13

Here come the feelings I thought I had forgotten.
I guess you just can't forget things in life like this.

Vance was in my dream last night.

It wasn't a bad dream, he was just in it. But it got me thinking of him, and he was on my mind all day.

I would do anything to go back and save him. I would go back to his freshman year when we would flirt with each other, I would live it all again just to save him and have him here and happy today.

But after all the cute walks home together and hugs on the corner of main street ended, I failed to see how much he needed someone.

I failed to step outside of myself and help this cute boy that needed it so much.
And now he's gone.
I miss him- not in the "I miss seeing him everyday" way, cause I went weeks or months without seeing him. I was actually quite used to not seeing him. But I miss him in the- "I'm never going to see you again" way, and the "Why didn't I save you when I could've?" way.
I miss him, along with a lot of regret harbored in my heart.
I don't think what happened on New Year's Eve 2012 will ever make sense to me. I don't think New Year's Eve will ever be the same again. I know I'll always think about him and wish that I could have saved him. I'll think about the future he could have had if someone would've stepped in and showed him how much he was worth.
But he's gone, and I know that he isn't missing this world now. He must be so happy now and that's what I have to remember. I picture him in a tank top and shorts on a beach, having bonfires and skating the sickest skate parks, cause I know that's what his heaven would be like.
I can't wait to see him again.
I think daily about the day we will be reunited.
It will be an amazing day, and it will be so worth the wait!

I love you, Vance. :)


who wouldn't miss this cute thing? :)
he looks so happy here-
that's how i'll always remember him.