Being a Female

Well. I haven't posted for like months. This is mildly awkward. Hi there. In case you've forgotten, I'm Aly. I'm short, I'm a snuggle bug, and I love apple sauce and cereal. Now that that's established...

let's get to the point of this post.

Wanna know what sucks? Being a girl. It's not all that it's cracked up to be! Not only like cramping, or being on your period, or being expected to push babies out of yourself. There's much MUCH more that sucks about being a girl. Trust me.

People expecting you to look good all the time. Ha. Nice. We're supposed to paint our nails, do our hair, wear make up, have cute clothes, be skinny. AH GOODNESS. I absolutely hate the skinny stereotype. Screw that, gimme some fries. Image is so distorted- especially for girls and women. Guys can wear almost anything and not be judged. But if girls wear something weird, you're definitely gonna hear about it. In a nutshell, we're supposed to look 'slam slam oh hot dayyyyum' all the time. If you ask me, I say that's jank. And that's the end of that.

Wanna know what else sucks? Other girls. Someone please tell me why girls hate each other? I'm so lost. I'M A GIRL and I don't even know why all of us females hate each other. I personally don't hate people! SO many girls talk trash on me and hate me, and I don't even know why! I smile at them and tell them they look cute, and suddenly I'm like a member of some mafia that I wasn't informed about. So confusing. So unnecessary. So baffling.

Boys. FRICK. Boys are the worst. I love 'em. I hate 'em. Lots of girls are totally boy crazy. I don't consider myself boy crazy at all. That's just creeps. But boys really do make you wanna punch someone in the face. The worst is when you're stuck on ONE boy and things just won't go your way! You feel helpless. You feel inferior. You feel vulnerable. But as long as there's still the slightest chance of getting this boy, you just can't give up. That's THE BIGGEST FORM of girl suicide!

I think girls think way more than guys do. Who am I kidding. Of COURSE they do. Boys' brains just don't operate right. They think about girls, sports, and food. So yes, girls DEFINITELY think more than guys. I think it's something scientific. Like our brains were made to worry about things and over think everything. Cause I definitely over think everything, as does every other girl in the nation.

Girls also have to shave their legs and their armpits and wax their eyebrows and such. Can someone remind me why it's okay for men to have 6 inch long hairs under their arms? Or long, grody hair on their legs? Or an eyebrow that just seems to stare at you, taunting your every move? It makes no sense! Are soft legs sexy? Most likely. If so, why on earth don't guys shave their legs too? Don't they wanna look sexy? I'm so confused.

Like I mentioned earlier in this post, we're expected to have kids. Our bodies are like 10% fattier than the average man's body, cause our tummy's are supposed to stretch with a child inside there. Um really? Couldn't we have been asked if we want children, prior to having more fat than men? Cause I don't want a kid, but I'm stuck with 10% more fat than the average dude! UNFAIR. SEXIST. Me no likey.

Oh oh oh. Here's another one. The stereotype of women is to be stay at home mom's. Wearing neat little aprons, kneeling down and mopping the floors by hand, baking banana bread for the children when they get home. NO. I will wear t-shirts, I will mop the floor with a Swiffer Wet Jet, and my husband can eat frozen pizza and apple sauce.

Other than that kind of stuff, being a girl is quite fun. It all pays off when a guy looks at you with "that look", or when you realize you can do the splits, or when the 'ladies first' rule applies, or when boys open doors for you. So yes. Despite all the complications of being a girl, it's not all that bad after all.

EMBRACE THE CRAMPS, LADIES.