It's been a wonderful Sunday for me, and hopefully for y'all as well. I attended a mission farewell for my good friend Felipe today. I can't believe I have close friends going on missions now. I'm so proud of Fe's decision to serve the Lord. I went to church after saying goodbye to Felipe, and it was one of those bland church days. I didn't have any eye opening, spiritual experiences at my ward today. But after I came home from lunch and took a nap, I went through some of my old writings. I found the letter I wrote a couple days ago, addressed to my friend Brandon who took his life in January. I remembered the experience I had last week and couldn't believe I hadn't blogged about it yet! I blog about everything... WHY didn't I blog about such an amazing experience? Well, better late than never, right?
I sure have missed you this year. I've blamed myself for so much of what happened to you. It's been hard for me, for everyone, to let go of you. I talked to Jake Nilson a couple weekends back. We talked about you. He told me he wrote to you while you were in rehab. It made me wish that I did. He also told me that the young men in your ward were having a testimony meeting around a campfire this summer. Someone stood up and said that he knew that you were with them that night. They sang God Be With You Til We Meet Again. Jake knew you were there with them, and I have no doubt in my mind that you were. Tonight, I was home alone and I played that song on the piano. I played quietly, sang softly: loud enough for me to hear myself, but soft enough for me to hear the spirit speak to me. A feeling came over me that I can't describe. I felt not physical, but emotional embrace. I knew you were there with me. There was no doubt in my mind. I cried. The piano playing became sloppy because my fingers started to slip as a result of my tears on the keys. I felt as close to you as I was in 8th grade- as close to you as I wish I would've stayed throughout freshman year. I really don't know if this gave me closure, or made me miss you and wish even more that I would've helped you. I do love ya, Vancey Pants, and I'm so sorry that I pushed you out of my life. I thought I was protecting myself from the unsafe things you were doing to your body that I didn't agree with. Little did I know, it would result in guilt on my end when your life ended so early. I'll never forget the text you sent me that said you thought I was pretty. Then I jumped on my bed and got so high that I hit my head on the ceiling and it sent me falling down to eventually hit the ground... really hard. But I didn't care. Because you thought I was pretty. And that was enough. I miss you, kid. But I know you're happy and you're doing some amazing work up there.
I'd do anything to hug you again.
In the spirit of Sunday, and because of the lack of the spirit I felt in church, I thought this post would be appropriate today. This experience I wrote about in my figurative letter to Brandon was really amazing. It has given me more closure than anything has. Feeling him with me gave me a feeling of warmth, of love. And I realize now that the people we lose are now feeling that in warmth and love in heaven with Heavenly Father. They are with their Father in Heaven. That must be the best, most warm, loving feeling in the world. And that's what Brandon deserves.
I'm so blessed to have the opportunities that I do to feel the spirit and to feel so much love and care from my father in heaven. It truly is a blessing to have God in my life and to see a different perspective than just the worldly one. I'm so grateful for my knowledge of what is true and of what is to come after this life. If I didn't know this, I don't know where I would be.
to listen to a beautiful version of this song i talked about in my letter, click here.
Have a wonderful Sunday evening, and remember: God loves you.
He knows you.
He cries with you.
He smiles with you.
He is rooting for you.
HE IS ON YOUR SIDE.
And He knows what is best for you. In the end, everything will fall into place.
Bad days do come to an end, trials will turn into blessings, faith always triumphs, and heavenly promises are always kept.
Good evening, beauties.